Fake

I think in a sense I'd always do it for him

even when I turned around 

and refused to do whatever he wanted me to 

I was still doing it for him. 

at this point I don't know whether 

I'm being myself 

or being defiant because it's different.

because no ones really defiant with him.

being defiant makes me different.

It makes me exotic.

I wonder if that's why do it sometimes 

and other times when I'm not with him 

I continue.

I feel like it's actually me and other times it is actually me
but with him it feels different
it feels faker.

I feel faker 

and he has no idea 

finally he has no idea.